Letter #13

Dear Tyler;

Neither your sister nor your sister-in-law knows how jealous I am that they both have talked to you this week.  I wish I could talk to you.  Some days are so hard because I miss you very much and can't stop thinking about you.  You are my boy and you will always occupy a big chunk of my heart.

The funny thing is that I miss your brother Jereme, too.  I see him about once a week or so, but there seems to be a part of him that is blocked from me, too.  I don't like knowing that a wedge comes between us because of problems that arise from being in business together.  I really wish I could be close to him, too.

Today, I just feel like I am missing both of my sons a lot.

I have been so worried about you ever since you told Kjersti you were going to go to a concert in Las Vegas last month instead of coming to Bridger’s birthday party.  I hoped so much that your probation officer would not give you permission to go.  Do you remember when Robbie told you he was going to Las Vegas for business shortly after he became your sponsor?  You said that it was the worst place for a recovering addict to go and you felt that he shouldn’t go.  I thought of you saying that and wished that I could have reminded you of it, even though it probably wouldn’t have made you change your mind. 

I know that you feel that you can handle yourself and that if you are currently trying to be sober you’ll think that nothing can sway you from that.  I hope that one day I can trust that you will be immovable in that way.  I just don’t know if you are there yet, or not.   

Yesterday, it was a relief just to know that Kjersti talked to you.

When she told me that you had to work and couldn’t come to Brexton’s birthday party, I was disappointed.  I really hoped that now that we can be around you in a group setting, we would be able to see you occasionally, but we have only seen you once for five minutes since Christmas.    

Today, Tassie told me about her conversation with you.  She told me what you said about your weekend Las Vegas trip and that you said going to the concert was great.  I am glad that you made it back safely and hope that you stayed away from the bad influences and pitfalls that Vegas has to offer while you were there. 

Tassie mentioned that you seemed happy and positive about your life in a way that she has never heard from you before.   She thought that it was awesome.  It sounded like you were still as optimistic about things as you were the last time we saw you. 

I want to be able to hear that again.

I sure wish our family could be close and have fun making memories together.  I guess anything is possible if we all just make the effort to try.  

Take care of yourself.  

Love,

Mom

P.S.

Tassie just called and informed me that you ARE coming to the party tomorrow!  I am not going to hold my breath that you really will, but I can’t help feeling butterflies about it.  I might get to see you, soon!